"what makes you happy?"
I was hanging out with my little sistercousin yesterday. I talked a little about baseline moods and how mine's fucked up and she asked :"What makes you happy?" It was a simple question, but it caught me off guard. What makes me happy? I... have no idea. I had no idea, but now that I think about it, I guess I can figure it out. For context, she was asking me to come to a friend's birthday party. I hate parties. I really do; they're awful. But this isn't about what I don't like, it's about what I do like. So, "what makes me happy?" The answer I gave, after some muddled thought, was "I like to make stuff." But I said I don't have time for that between school, work, and ISA (oh shit, I forgot to do stuff for ISA).So, with all the stuff that has been going on (I'm trying a new therapy thing that's made for crazy people), I've decided to take a short break from all the suck in life and make a short list of things that make me happy. Making things. It's the answer I gave to Zainu, and it's true. Everything from drawing to building Lego, it's all awesome. Disney music. I've recently been listening to lots of Disney soundtracks, namely Princess and the Frog and Aladdin. I love singing along to them because their so cheerful and fun. Airplanes and airports. Do you know the smell of airports? It's awesome. Airports are wonderful because they're full of people all there for different reasons travelling the world and all going somewhere different. I like being in that kind of atmosphere. And I know a lot of people find planes uncomfortable, but I find the pressurized cabin and the close quarters strangely relaxing. Seeing a close friend smile. This one sounds kinda corny, but it's there. Especially nowadays, when she doesn't smile too much, it's heartwarming when she does. Sitting or laying down in silence. I'm constantly in discomfort; it feels like my bones and muscles are twisted up under this inverted sandpaper I call skin. Sitting in painful, as is standing and laying down. But when the world is calm around me, I can grow to be calm with it. The pain dulls ever so slightly and it feels wonderful. Getting a compliment (but not really). I am notoriously bad at taking compliments. Aaisha pointed this out a while back and told me to "just smile and say thank you." That's what I do now. The problem is, people compliment other people on things that aren't accomplishments. I hear "you have beautiful eyes" a lot, and it doesn't feel right to say thanks to that, because it's not something that I worked toward. But when someone compliments something them at is did work hard on, something that I'm proud of (which doesn't happen often), it feels amazing. Real things that aren't real. You may have noticed that a lot of my hoodies and jackets have logos from fiction on it (I have an Assassin's Creed jacket, an Aperture Science jacket, a Monsters Inc hoodie, a SHIELD hoodie, a Ravenclaw hoodie, an Abstergo bag, an X-Men backpack, a Galactic Empire hockey jersey, an Alliance hoodie, and some stuff I'm forgetting). I love these kind of things because the bring life to the story and flesh it out (to me). Instead of having the name of the movie on a shirt, my stuff is branded as though it came out of the movie universe itself. Girls' clothing. This is a weird one. I don't like wearing girls' clothing, I just like looking at it, and figuring it out. Girl clothing, with it's dependence on layering etc, is much more interesting than boy clothes. Back in high school, I'd go dress shopping with some of my friend girls at the mall. Nowadays, I just look at people walking by and judge their fashion silently. Also, sweater-dresses are the sexiest thing ever invented. So, that's just a short list. There's probably more things out there that I can't think of or haven't experienced yet. But I think it's good to get this kind of thing out there while I start on my new therapy. And since I noticed people actually read these things, I want you to try something. Think about what makes you happy. It's a simple question but a powerful one: "what makes you happy?" You don't have to write it down or shout it from the rooftops, just think about it. And then do some of that stuff more often.